Lyric

Lobby glass makes two of me

One stays calm, one checks the time

Silver doors breathe open slow

Like they already know my mind

I said I would not come upstairs

I said I had control tonight

But my thumb finds your number saved

Under fluorescent light

The button turns white

Before I choose

My hand moves first

Then I follow through

I’m going up before I mean it

Counting floors like I can leave it

Every little light knows where I’m trying not to go

I’m going up with nothing ready

Face held still, chest unsteady

If I didn’t want you near me

Why am I this close

Mirror wall, black coat, dry mouth

I fix my hair like that helps me

The city drops beneath my shoes

And I pretend I came here clean

Your floor appears in little lines

Bright and cruel above the door

I could still step out and vanish

But I don’t reach for four

The cables pull

The ceiling hums

My body knows

Before I run

I’m going up before I mean it

Counting floors like I can leave it

Every little light knows where I’m trying not to go

I’m going up with nothing ready

Face held still, chest unsteady

If I didn’t want you near me

Why am I this close

Maybe this is not a choice

Maybe want has its own hands

Maybe I was halfway there

Before I made a plan

If the doors open

If your hall goes bright

Do not ask me why I came

Just say my name right

I’m going up before I mean it

All my silence disbelieves it

Every little light keeps telling on me as I go

I’m going up with nothing ready

Face held still, chest unsteady

If I didn’t want you near me

Why am I this close