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I think there are countless complexes with names in this world. Family complex, appearance complex, personality complex, inferiority complex, height complex... If you have any of these, you have a negative part, a hollow part, so you feel that you need to add more and more, and you try hard and hard every day to fill up the hollow part, but even if you finally fill it, it's just zero, so you try harder than others, but you end up spinning your wheels, making mistakes, apologizing, smiling politely, feeling empty, hating yourself, feeling empty.
But there is always someone in this world who will tell you that the part of you that you feel is negative is a positive. Even if it's just one person, there is always someone.
You will meet someone who will embrace your existence and tell you that just having you is a positive. Even if there is no such person around you yet and you feel alone now, you will definitely meet such a person, just not in the range of your current life. The future you will be able to smile. So please, please don't give up on that hope and live. And one day, even if you don't think the parts of yourself you dislike are positive, you will be able to forgive them, knowing that they are part of you. I think you've blamed yourself so much. I think you've worked harder than others in situations where you couldn't forgive yourself, and you couldn't be forgiven.
But it's okay to forgive now.
You are wonderful and beautiful enough with what you have now. You don't need any more positive things.