Red boy

I wrote this song when I wanted to quit everything and disappear from this world.
The Red Boy that appears in the song represents someone I once fell in love with, but he passed away in an accident at the young age of 22.
I was 17 when he passed away, and now I'm 23, a year older than he was, and I feel anxious about the future and despair at the reality that I haven't accomplished anything yet, so I felt like I wanted to go see him.
But that was just running away, and giving up.
I couldn't go see him without bringing him any gifts.
I thought I wouldn't be able to see him with a smile unless I accomplished something, and in fact I was feeling weak and wanted to see him right away, so I wrote the lyrics to focus on that weak part of myself.