Lyric

I watched the phone

Stay black on the table

Held back my hand

Kept my wanting stable

I wanted one more

Are you alright

A small return

In the middle of the night

I wanted your voice

To soften my name

Without me teaching

The shape of the flame

But I let the room

Keep all of its air

If care had to be asked for

I left it there

If I had said it

It would come back changed

Like borrowed kindness

With someone else’s name

If I had pointed

To the empty space

Would it be comfort

Or only your face

I wanted the care

Before the question

Wanted the hand

Before the lesson

Wanted the call

Before the doubt

Wanted your mouth

To figure me out

I wanted the truth

Before the hurting grew

Wanted the apology

Before I asked it from you

Now all I remember

After the door

Is the quiet shape

Of what I didn’t ask for

I saved you from

The weight of my need

Smiled at the silence

And let it feed

I made every wish

Small in my chest

Left every answer

Unpressed, unguessed

You never had to

Choose what to give

I made it simple

For both of us to live

But simple can turn

Heavy with time

When all of the wanting

Stays out of line

If I had told you

Where I was thin

Would care still be care

If I let you in

If I had named it

Would it be true

Or just a mirror

I handed to you

I wanted the care

Before the question

Wanted the hand

Before the lesson

Wanted the call

Before the doubt

Wanted your mouth

To figure me out

I wanted the truth

Before the hurting grew

Wanted the apology

Before I asked it from you

Now all I remember

After the door

Is the quiet shape

Of what I didn’t ask for

I did not stay quiet

Because I wanted less

I only thought love

Should not need a test

I did not stop wanting

I only stood still

Waiting for care

To arrive by will

I saved you from

The question in me

And lost the answer

I hoped there would be

Now I carry

The unsaid part

Like a small closed room

Inside my heart

I wanted the care

Before the question

Wanted the hand

Before the lesson

Wanted the call

Before the doubt

Wanted your mouth

To figure me out

I wanted the truth

Before the hurting grew

Wanted the apology

Before I asked it from you

Now all I remember

After the door

Is the quiet shape

Of what I didn’t ask for

The room is calm

The table is clear

I do not ask

But the wanting stays here