Abyss the Schizophrenia

"Abyss the Schizophrenia"

I have gazed into the abyss.
No, more than that-
In a bottomless world of white, black, and gray,
I was kept alive within my own abyss.
With my wings torn away by the illness, I was falling forever.
"Abyss"... the sound of the word is beautiful,
but in truth, it was nothing but a bottomless hell.
Pain was my normal state.
I didn't even realize it then, but now I know.
I was lucky to know such pain.
Because knowing that bottomless hell meant
I also learned the beauty and the sanctity of light.
For fourteen years, the illness kept me in darkness.
Yes, inside my abyss...
At first, it was the auditory hallucinations-the voices of "you all"-
pinpointing my flaws, criticizing everything the moment I stepped outside.
The paranoia. The delusions.
Then, once they settled, came the endless depression.
I couldn't leave the house; I was barely breathing in my bed.
Finally, the symptoms drained me of all emotion...
I came to know every kind of bottomless pain.
When you are tormented for that long, you become a mere vessel.
As if you've lost your very soul.
Listen,
Because that abyss ripped me in half,
I can now consume the light,
and I can consume the darkness too.
Maybe I am a rare and fortunate being.
Or maybe just a monster.
But,
I...
I want to be a being of light.
Just like all of you.
I want to be the light.
That is the answer...
the one I found while I was in the abyss.
This world,
and the inside of me...
From the very depths of this soul,

I love it all..,