Lyric

I used to keep the table still

I used to pass the salt

I used to swallow every spark

And call the silence my fault

I knew the safest kind of laugh

The one that never rang

I kept my weather folded down

Before it had a name

But something green beneath the floor

Was pushing toward the light

I could not keep my whole self small

And still survive the night

I am not trying to be louder

I am not trying to be cruel

I am only tired of disappearing

Just to keep the air in tune

All the words I kept from rising

Found a body, found a room

I did not break the silence open

I outgrew the quiet too

Too much sky inside my chest

Too much truth to press back down

You liked me best when I was easy

When I could read the room

When every need I almost had

Could leave without a bruise

I called it grace, I called it patience

I called it being kind

But kindness made a narrow house

When I left myself behind

And now my hands are less obedient

My voice is less disguised

I do not want to shake the walls

I only want the windows wide

I am not trying to be louder

I am not trying to be cruel

I am only tired of disappearing

Just to keep the air in tune

All the words I kept from rising

Found a body, found a room

I did not break the silence open

I outgrew the quiet too

There is no shame in wanting space

No violence in a name

No betrayal in the moment

I stop answering the same

I can love the softer parts of me

And still refuse to shrink

I can be gentle with the door

And leave it while I think

I am not trying to be louder

I am not trying to be cruel

I am only done disappearing

Just to keep the air in tune

All the words I kept from rising

Have a body, have a room

I did not break the silence open

I outgrew the quiet too

Too much sky inside my chest

Too much life to press back down

I did not break the silence open

I only grew beyond it now