Lyric

Alone at seventeen

Trembling in a tiny room

The very first time I heard your voice

I still hold that night close to my heart

I could not call your name

Could not even keep a photograph

Though you were the closest person to me

That was the day I entrusted you to a distant world

I still cannot say

That the choice I made was right

But as long as you are alive

I only wished for your future happiness

To my daughter I cannot meet

I keep writing letters you'll never read

The name I was never supposed to say

I whisper it over and over inside my heart

Forgive me for being a mother who could not stay

But I have always loved you

Who do you look like now

Do your eyes crinkle when you smile

When you fall and scrape your knees

Who is there to hold you and say "It's okay"

Every birthday comes and goes

Without cake or candlelight

Still I quietly close my eyes alone

And pray with all my heart for your happiness

I imagined you carrying a little school bag

Walking ahead with your small back in sight

On the morning of your first school day

I know I would have been a tearful mother

On nights when you had a fever

I wanted to touch your little forehead

Whispering, "Please get better soon"

I wanted to fall asleep beside you

Though I spend my nights

Counting all the futures we could never have

If you are smiling somewhere

Then that alone must be enough

To my daughter I cannot meet

I keep writing letters you'll never read

The words "I miss you" are forbidden to me

Yet saying them alone could shake my whole world

Forgive me for being the mother who let go

But I still love you

Not becoming a burden to your future

That is the only thing I can do for you now

So I leave my tears upon this paper alone

The ink blurred by tears I could never stop

Somewhere out there

I hope you fall in love and learn heartbreak too

And become someone

Who can truly cherish another person

If someone else was able to give you

The love that I never could

Then somehow

That alone makes me feel saved

To my daughter I cannot meet

I keep writing letters you'll never read

"Thank you for being born"

Those were the words I truly wanted to say first

Forgive me for never holding you close

But never once

Have I ever thought

That I should not have given birth to you

And if someday

In some distant town

We happen to pass each other by

I will pretend not to recognize you

Even though I decided that long ago

I still pray

Please... please be happy

I quietly hold your unspoken name inside my heart

Whenever spring returns

I wonder how old you are now

Beneath this distant sky today

I hope you are smiling

To my daughter I cannot meet

Today again, I write another letter alone