Lyric

I don’t wanna die

I just hate being awake

I just hate being awake

わたしは変わったわけじゃない

ただ壊れないよう shape-shifted my mind

元気なフリ　傷隠す sleeves

朝をやり過ごすための routine

「なんでもない」

That’s the magic phrase

言えば nobody looks too deep these days

痛みを麻痺させ fade away

気づけば heart went miles away

泣いてたあの子 still inside

声を殺して survive survive

誰にも見つからないまま cry

静かに死んでく every night

Fell down crying as a kid

Now I hide cuts beneath my fits

健康だったあの子も sick

夜になると pills and drinks

“永遠”とか信じてた eyes

今は死に方ばっか検索してる nights

煙草嫌いだったはずなのに

Now I’m inhaling just to feel alright

シラフじゃ breathing feels too hard

アルコールで dissolve my heart

これが「大人になる」って art？

Then I don’t wanna grow up at all

I don’t wanna grow up anymore

I don’t wanna grow up anymore

I don’t wanna grow up anymore

Every year just hurts more

Static

3AM scrolling endlessly

Blue light dripping like enemy

Fake love fake care fake empathy

All this shit just keeps consuming me

Learned how to smile with dead eyes

Learned how to hide every bad night

High functioning sadness, that’s my type

Breaking down while saying “I’m alright”

Another drink

Another pill

Another night I can’t sit still

I don’t wanna die for real

I just wanna stop how living feels

Used to cry when I scraped my knees

Now I bleed where nobody sees

Guess that’s what adulthood means

Pretty self-destruction on HD screens

Still awake

Still numb

Still pretending I’m someone

If surviving means becoming this

Maybe I was safer as a kid

泣き虫だったあの子も

Now she laughs with vacant souls

「助けて」さえ言えなくて

Turned silence into overdose

愛されたかっただけなのに

Now I push everybody from me

未来を信じ眠ってた eyes

Can’t see tomorrow in my mind

Pour another drink

Stay sedated

Brain gone static

Overstimulated

If this is what “growing up” is

Why the fuck does it feel like dying slow?

Nothing feels good sober anymore

Nothing feels real sober anymore

Nothing feels warm sober anymore

I don’t know myself anymore