Living alone

I want to live so quietly
no one ever has to worry about me
I wanted to leave my parents' roof
and finally taste freedom

but that first night
the room was too wide and too cold
only the refrigerator's hum
growling through the dark

"Hitorigurashi"
is the song of a woman
who stepped across the line

Anxiety never gets smaller
Mother's voice, friends' little stamps
drift farther, farther
until they're only ghosts in the glow
Hands tremble under grocery bags
I wake at three
and stare at a ceiling that says nothing
Every shake, every hush
is real

Still
tomorrow I'll strike the burner blue
hang laundry like pale surrender flags
and go on breathing

Even if "dying alone"
slides across my mind like thin smoke
when dawn comes
I pull the curtains open anyway
let light flood the empty floor

I don't have to live for anyone else
Today, again
I live for me

Courage
resignation
and one last coal of hope
crushed together until it stings

a quiet, aching mid-tempo song

I have begun living alone
May tomorrow's morning
find me still here