Lyric

My head snaps hot, I wanna scream and cry out loud

Don’t know what this state is, don’t know what I’m about

Don’t know what to do, every option fades to doubt

Maybe if I start working I can prove that I’m allowed

But it never lasts, yeah, it never ever stays

Didn’t last before, so the future’s just a haze

I can’t picture “continuing” in a long, straight way

Still I think I’m meant to live for decades, anyway

Back then I never pictured faces left behind

People crying at my death, never crossed my mind

Now I got someone I love, so I can’t just run

Can’t escape that easy — still this pain won’t be undone

I’m cherished by my lover, nurses speak so kind

But the loneliness is permanent, it’s welded to my spine

When I’m with somebody else, I get drunk on the disguise

I numb myself so well they never see behind my eyes

So nobody notices, nobody hears the sound

I say “I wanna die” — they think it’s coming down

They think it’s just a moment, just a wave that’ll pass

They don’t believe the weight ’cause I’m an adult, not a class

This ain’t my parents’ fault, ain’t society’s blame

It’s all on me, so who the hell do I name?

Who can I appeal to, who can hear it raw?

Who do I tell the truth to without turning it into lore?

I don’t know, I don’t know, that’s the loop that I’m in

My heart screaming courtroom, but there’s no judge to let in

My mom thinks I’m happy, core-deep, shining bright

While I’m counting ways to disappear alone in daylight

Somewhere life never settled, never clicked into place

Too many reasons piled up, none of them the face

Every time I go home with my throat locked tight

I say nothing, carry everything into the night

I come back empty-handed, language left behind

So I’m asking straight up, no metaphors this time—

If there’s anyone listening past the noise and delay

I’m not asking for poetry

Help me