Lyric

I find myself jealous

Of the me from back then

The me captured

In that old photograph

That photo where your arm

Is wrapped around my waist

It wasn’t that she was prettier

It wasn’t that she was better, either

It’s just that she

Seemed to trust you

With all her heart

And you, too

Seemed to trust her completely

I find myself jealous

Of the me from back then

I found that photo

While looking for something else

Summer

Three years ago

That white shirt

I don’t wear anymore

Your hair

Grown out a little too long

We were standing

Outside that restaurant

Outside that place

That was a bit too fancy for us

I remember

Complaining about the food

But the me in the photo

Is smiling

Smiling from the heart

I found myself staring at her—

Staring at her

Even longer

Than I stared at you

You walked into the room

And said

“Wow

That shirt brings back memories.”

I laughed

What you didn’t notice

Was that I was remembering

The time

When I used to wear that shirt

I find myself jealous

Of the me from back then

She never asked

If you were getting bored of her

She never wondered

What kept you late at work

She simply leaned into you

As if there were nowhere else

She was meant to be

I remember her—

That version of me

I wonder when exactly

I stopped being her

You sat down next to me

On the sofa

We kept scrolling

Through the photos

A trip to the beach

Your birthday

That terrible hairstyle

You insisted suited you

You laughed

I laughed too

And then

The next photo

Me

Asleep on your shoulder

You said

“You used to sleep a lot back then—

Anywhere, really.”

I said

“Not anywhere.”

You said

“Really?”

I started to say

“I slept there

Because I felt safe.”

You kept scrolling

I couldn’t tear my eyes

Away from that photo

I find myself jealous

Of the me I used to be

It’s not because

You loved her more

But I wonder

If who I am now

Is different

From back then

Back then

She never wondered

If she was loved

She didn’t need

Any proof

She didn’t count

How often

You reached out

To hold her

She didn’t compare

Today with yesterday

I miss

How easy

It felt back then

You put down the phone

“Hey.”

I looked at you

“Are you okay?”

I nodded

Then I shook my head

You waited for me

I said

“Was I happier back then?”

You furrowed your brows

“Why?

So suddenly?”

And then

“You used to laugh louder.”

That hurt

Because it was true

I find myself jealous

Of the me I used to be

But I don’t want

To reclaim her life

I’m happy

With the life

I have now

This one

This life with you

I just want to stop

Staring at old photos

As if the me

In the picture

Knows something

I don’t

You reached out

Toward the photo

I pulled it away

“Not yet.”

You smiled

And pulled me close

“Okay.”

I looked at the photo

One more time

Then I looked at you

The you beside me now

You were still there

Holding me