A Bud After the Rain

"Hey, it's okay." NATSUKI's "A Bud After the Rain" is a song about turning her attention to her own heart and beginning to walk again, after days when she felt as if she were watching her life from far away.

A tiny sigh from her baby became a turning point. The days of tears and falls can become soil that helps a flower grow. She hopes that blooming in your own way may one day become a source of hope for someone else. That wish is at the heart of this song.

-- How "A Bud After the Rain" came to be --

"I want my mother to smile." That was where it all began for me.

I lost my father when I was young. Watching my mother support our family, I could not find the words for my own feelings. Still, deep inside, I always wished for her to smile, not to give up on life, and to find happiness.

As an adult, I became a mother too. I truly wanted to build a warm home. But there was a time when raising my child and managing daily life left me with little room to care for my own heart. I was simply doing all I could to get through each day.

The world seemed monochrome. I felt like a distant observer watching my own life on a screen. I could not feel fully alive or see a future, and I searched outside myself for answers.

Then, when my child was still a baby, I heard a small sigh: "Phew..." My heart froze.

I had been sighing unconsciously, carrying my own pain. I wondered if my feelings and the atmosphere of our days had reached my child, too. I did not want things to stay this way. I wanted to change my life and make my family happy. First, I would turn towards my own heart.

For the first time, I turned the attention I had always given to others towards myself. The lyric "That child's sigh showed me" comes from that moment.

I began learning about flowers and psychology. Little by little, I noticed how I blamed myself, put myself last and swallowed what I truly felt.

Nothing changed all at once. I took one step forward and two steps back, often close to giving up, but kept going. Beneath winter soil, roots grow quietly, preparing for the next season. Perhaps I was doing the same. I gradually began to take off the shoes I had worn while running to become someone else.

In time, I wanted to share what I had learned by facing myself. I began working as a Hanaoto Therapist(R), took on the challenge of a Mrs. pageant, supported mothers before and after childbirth, and helped create places where women could talk about their dreams. Through the people I met, I came to feel that a person's radiance begins within.

When I opened my tightly clenched hands, a gentle breeze passed through. The happiness I had been searching for far away was also already there in my hands.

Other people's words and lives have helped me take one step after another. I hope my journey can offer someone a little courage. That is why I share this song.

"Hey, it's okay" is what I wanted to say to the person I was back then. It is also what I want to say to you, if you are working hard while putting your own feelings aside.

Wherever you are now, your life can bloom again from here. The flower within you has not withered.

May the sight of you blooming in your own way become someone's hope, a seed of courage to take a step forward. May that seed sprout, bloom, and be passed on to someone new. My wish is for this song to help that gentle cycle grow.