I Am Allowed to Forgive Myself Front Cover

I Am Allowed to Forgive Myself

AQUA BLUE

Release Date

2026-06-11

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  • I Am Allowed to Forgive Myself Front Cover

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"I Am Allowed to Forgive Myself"

For a long time, I hated myself.

I hurt someone.
I did things that cannot be undone.
And I have never once forgotten that.

There were years of mornings when I couldn't
meet my own eyes in the mirror.
I didn't know if I was allowed to laugh.
If I was allowed to eat.
I didn't know any of it.

I knew I hadn't been forgiven.
That much was clear.
So I told myself that the only honest thing left
was to keep walking - unforgiven,
and without ever letting myself off the hook.

-

Then one day, someone said something to me.

"Punishing yourself isn't always the same
as being sincere."

Those words stayed with me.
They wouldn't let go.

Forgiving yourself doesn't mean forgetting.
It doesn't mean pretending it never happened.
Maybe it just means setting the weight down -
gently, quietly, for a moment.

My sorry to you hasn't disappeared.
It doesn't need to disappear.
But maybe - just maybe -
I am allowed to carry it a little more lightly.
That thought came to me one day,
and I haven't been able to shake it since.

-

This song is a long, slow, frightened journey
toward forgiving myself.

I haven't been forgiven by anyone.
I'm not claiming I deserve to be.

But I had been so afraid that forgiving myself
would mean erasing everything -
that it would make what I did
feel like it never mattered.

And somewhere along the way,
I started to realize something.

That punishing myself endlessly
might have been its own kind of performance.
Its own kind of escape.

-

"I'm sorry - to me."

In the Bridge of this song,
for the first time,
the apology turns inward.

Not to the person I hurt.
But to myself -
the self I have been hurting
every single day since.

Throughout this series,
these words have always faced outward.
Here, for the first time, they face in.

That is the heart of this fourth installment.

-

You don't have to forgive me.
If you're still angry, stay angry.
That's all right.

But I am allowed to be on my own side.
Even at my worst, I am allowed to hold myself.
I am allowed to love myself -
exactly as I am, at my most broken.

As long as I don't abandon myself,
that is enough.

-

At the very end, in the Outro,
a whisper:

"...I am allowed to love myself."
"...It's okay."
"...I think."

"I think" - not a certainty.
But a beginning.
A tentative, frightened step
in the direction of believing it.

That "I think" is the first small light
to appear across all four songs in this series.

-

To everyone who cannot forgive themselves.
To everyone who has mistaken
self-punishment for sincerity.
To everyone still walking forward today,
carrying the memory of someone they hurt.

You don't have to forgive yourself yet.
You don't have to forget.
But you are allowed to set the weight down,
just a little.

You are allowed to forgive yourself.

Artist Profile

  • AQUA BLUE

    Lyricist- composer- and music producer. Also handles vocals- graphic design- accounting- HR- and marketing- all single-handedly- of course. Currently hiding quietly in a corner of Tokyo-s chaos- secretly creating mysterious music that no one asked for and no one could ever predict. In 2025- on an otherwise ordinary day- a long-dormant musical talent suddenly exploded. There were no signs. No warnings. The cause is unknown- and the artist himself is the most confused of all. The music born from this explosion is pop- yet philosophical and mystical. Spun directly from inspiration- each track gently embraces the listener-s heart and quietly guides them toward a vision of the future. It radiates a pure- translucent aqua-blue vibration - as if the universe and Earth were resonating together. Listeners find themselves journeying from the deep blue ocean to the edge of the cosmos in an instant. But there is also another troublesome side. Out of nowhere- he creates ridiculously absurd songs-with a straight face-that shatter society-s sense of normal. People who hear them first ask- What on earth am I listening to ? Then- Why didn-t anyone stop him ? And ultimately- for some reason- Why am I suddenly tearing up ? A strange emotional impact no one can quite explain. This bizarre ability remains unsolved. Amazingly- the music doesn-t come from theory or knowledge. It is built solely on infinite inspiration (also known as escapism) and soulful intuition. Which means there-s no reproducibility-and not even the creator knows what will come next. There is another inexplicable trait: When inspiration descends- the song is finished at terrifying speed. By the time the cup noodles are ready- the entire track-from intro to outro-is already playing in his head. By the time his coffee cools- the DAW programming is done. By the time his boss finishes talking in a meeting- No. He absolutely does not produce music during meetings. Absolutely not. The secret of this abnormal speed is unknown. In fact- when he notices- the work is simply finished. His day job is that of a normal office worker (also known as a corporate drone). By day- he swims through vast seas of Excel- is tossed by the storm called customer complaints- and gets sucked into the space-time distortion known as meetings. But when night falls and he puts on his headphones- music pours out as if he-s directly connected to the infinite universe. This extreme contrast is the defining feature of AQUABLUE- and the most mischievous secret behind what makes the music so uniquely captivating. So-close your Excel files (after saving properly- of course) and dive once more into the far reaches of the cosmos tonight.

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