I Won't Apologize. I Probably Can't.

A Note on the Release of
"I Won't Apologize. I Probably Can't."

There is something I was never able to apologize for.

Words I started to say, and then stopped.
Messages I wrote out, and then deleted.
A station I walked to, and then turned back from.

I was right back then.
What I said couldn't be helped.
I kept telling myself that -
and yet. Why do I still remember every detail?

Following the first installment - "I'm Sorry, I'm Truly Sorry" -
which explored the universality of saying sorry,
this is the second entry in the Apology Series.

This time, it's the story of someone
who never managed to say it at all.


Everyone has their reasons for not being able to apologize.

Pride got in the way.
The timing was never right.
The fear of being hated held me back.
I told myself it was already too late.

Every one of those reasons was true.
Every one of them was also an excuse.
And every one of them was the flip side
of something I already knew all along -
that I was the one who was wrong.

This song is about that kind of person.

Someone who decided not to apologize.
Someone who ran out of time without ever saying it.
Someone who still carries "you, on that day" -
showing up in dreams, night after night,
long after it should have faded.


The biggest difference from the first song is silence.

The first song said "I'm sorry" again and again -
openly, honestly, at full volume.

This song never apologizes.
Not once. Not until the very end.

I won't apologize.
I can't apologize.
I absolutely will not.
I probably never can.

The words repeat, over and over -
and yet, underneath every line,
ten years of silence bleeds through.
Ten years of someone who has been
desperate to say sorry
and never found a way.

Then, in the outro -
two seconds of complete silence.
A faint breath.
And then, barely a whisper:

"...I'm sorry."
"...I'm sorry."

Those two whispered words
carry everything the first song's
thirty repetitions carried.
Maybe more.


While making this song,
I kept asking myself the same question.

Is someone who can't apologize
a cold person?

I don't think so.

People who can't apologize
are usually the ones who remember everything.
That night. Those words. That look on your face.

If they could forget,
it wouldn't hurt this much.

The reason they can't apologize
is fear.
It's the belief that it's already too late.
It's knowing, with complete clarity,
that anything they say now
will only sound like an excuse.

And yet - they still wonder if you're doing okay.
Even now.

Unable to apologize,
they just go on thinking about you.
Quietly. Alone.


To those who managed to say sorry.
To those who never could.
To those who never received the apology they deserved.

And to those whose person is no longer here to apologize to.

May this song find you in the night,
wherever you are.

And finally -
if someone's face comes to mind while you listen to this,
please reach out to them.

It's not too late.
Probably.

...I'm sorry.