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The reason I decided to write this song is because of something my midwife, who has always supported me, said: "Why don't you write a song only a mother could make? I think all the mothers will resonate with it and feel encouraged."

The lyrics were inspired by my own experiences, and I also listened to my friends and family, who were about to give birth, to hear their thoughts.

Before giving birth, the only times I saw babies were when I hung out with friends or met relatives. I had heard that being a mother was tough-sleep deprivation, no personal time, and no freedom to go to the bathroom or even eat or take a bath without rushing. I was prepared for that. But in reality, the first month after giving birth was full of intense pain, repeat cases of mastitis with high fevers, and pain relievers that didn't help. I never heard that I would suffer for months, and I didn't know that when my baby cried, my chest would tighten like this. There were moments when I thought I'd just brush my teeth, but two hours passed while I was feeding, changing diapers, dressing, and holding my baby. Some of the things I heard were not as bad as I imagined, but there were also many things I didn't hear about at all!

I didn't know how much a child could mean to me until I gave birth. I never realized how much parents cherish their children until I felt it myself.

At first, the first three months weren't filled with feelings like "Oh, how cute, my angel!" It was more like, "So precious!!! Everything is so important!!!" Every day felt so desperate.

I became so fixated on the smallest things. If my baby's head wobbled even a little, I'd be worried. If they coughed three or four times, I'd wonder if they were okay. I'd worry about the room temperature, whether they were hungry, if they were full, or if their clothes were okay. It felt like I couldn't stop worrying about everything. I was so busy, I even forgot to breathe calmly at times.

I knew that new moms sometimes feel depressed, but when you're in the middle of it, it's really tough. When I went for a checkup two weeks later and the doctor said my baby hadn't gained enough weight, I cried and apologized, thinking, "Was it because you were hungry when you cried before? I'm sorry." A simple comment from someone would stay with me for days, and I'd cry over it. My body hurt so much, I cried...

These are things I never understood before becoming a mother.

I used to wonder if it was okay to feel this way, but when I asked others, I found out that everyone goes through the same struggles. It made me feel so much lighter to realize that we're all going through it together and doing our best.

This song captures those emotions, including the not-so-pretty parts of motherhood, not just the idealized parts.

So, if there are any moms out there who are struggling, I want you to know that you're not alone. We're all in this together, and we're all doing our best. I sang this with that message in mind.

I wrote these lyrics when my baby was about 5 or 6 months old. I know that as my child grows, these feelings will change, and I might even forget how intensely I felt this way.

That's why I believe that only the "me" of now could write this song.

A day can be really hard, but before you know it, it will be over. That's why, even if it's just a tiny bit, just 1mm, if this song can give you a little bit of peace of mind, I would be so happy.

Artist Profile

  • Ai Yamaguchi

    Started playing classical piano at the age of five. Joined the wind band in middle school through university, playing the clarinet in both school bands and a city wind orchestra. Majored in clarinet at a music university, studying classical music in depth. In high school, joined a ska band formed by wind band friends, playing the alto saxophone. Also took on arranging, songwriting, and composing. At the age of 22, was deeply inspired by the music of Sukima Switch. Having always wanted to sing since childhood, decided to pursue vocals at 24 and formed the piano-vocal duo Kimi Irodori LOVER. The unit gained exposure through TV and radio appearances. Later, due to health issues, started playing the ukulele. Now runs a YouTube channel with 22,000 subscribers, uploading cover performances and original songs.

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